Part of the reason I haven’t blogged in several weeks is because I’ve been busy writing hard – or planning hard. My brain has been busy, and half the time lost in Kraesinia.
But this past week has changed a lot of things.
It would take a long time to explain it all, and I don’t want to bore anyone, 😛 but here’s where I’m at in a nutshell.
I’ve been working on draft 5.3 of The Trusted since July 2014(!!). This month I was taking part in Camp NaNoWriMo, and at the start of April I had high hopes of finishing this draft by July, so I could pitch it to a publishing house at the Realm Makers conference.
But as of today I’m officially scrapping this draft.
The whole thing. All of it.
The reasons are many, but probably not interesting to those who haven’t read it, so I won’t go into all that.
The point is, I realized that it was not up to snuff, in a variety of serious ways.
There have been moments where this decision has been discouraging – mainly because I thought I was almost done! *wails* And I scrapped the draft before this when I was midway through that one, too, so I feel like I could have avoided all this if I’d put more thought into the revision that’s now going bye-bye. So that’s disappointing, but what can you do? It was all a learning process, so it was all good.
Overall, though, I’m really just excited! Because God is answering prayer!
So many elements of this book need to be completely revolutionized; until now I never had the courage. Standing at this crossroads has been bewildering and overwhelming. I’ve prayed hard for wisdom – and asked prayer of writing friends as well. And God has answered those prayers abundantly, and continues to do so, stunning me every day by setting new ideas in my lap, things that revolutionize how I see my characters or sharply clarify my vision. I’ve never had so many ground-breaking realizations about this story in such a short period of time. God is clearly answering prayer. He is good!!
Sometimes the amount of work ahead (yet again) is overwhelming – but giving up is the cowardly, selfish thing to do. If I’m focused on how it won’t be perfect (nooo!), how people I respect may not like it (ack!), and so forth…all I’m really thinking about is myself and my pride, my desire for admiration and acceptance.
But when I focus on the future readers, and ask God what I should do for Him and for them, the answer in the back of my mind is clear: “Press on.” To do otherwise would be like the wicked servant burying his talent. This story wasn’t given to me in order to bury it under a layer of earth for fear of failure.
Interestingly, I didn’t think of that answer, “Press on,” as a direct one from God at the time, but then I remembered this verse.
But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 3:13b-14 (emphasis mine)
Sure, I’m taking it way out of context, 😀 but that’s a perfect command for me right now.
As time goes on, my sense of calling over this book only increases. It’s important. Deep down I know it is important for me to tell this story. It’s a story only I can tell, and I am certain it has a purpose.
It’s such a massive part of my heart, too (and has been for 10 years and counting). I don’t know how I will move on to anything else until it’s done and behind me, so it’s “blocking” the rest of my writing career. Until this massive beast is tamed, I cannot even think of other beasties to play with. Moving on eventually will be hard too! But rather than dawdling as if this project will be around forever, I am making up my mind to finish finally.
My eyes are on the prize. I am running the next lap of my race with joy, knowing my strength and inspiration comes only from the Lord of all creativity, and trusting Him with my story…which ultimately does not belong to me, but Him.
Sometimes asking for prayer for my writing feels silly. Since my storyworld is all in my head, I guess I worry that prayer requests for it feel “imaginary”!
But no detail is too small for God; he cares about the worlds in my head as well as the world we walk in, because stories have power, and without Him we have no inspiration or creativity. So if you think of it, I ask that you please pray for me in this next revision! Pray that the Lord would continue to guide me and give me wisdom to understand how to craft this book into what it is made to be, a thing that will glorify Him and bless those who read it.
And if you’re struggling with a creative project, leave a comment explaining how you might need prayer! I would be honored to lift you before the throne of grace too. 🙂
