The Simmering Mind

As a writer, I sometimes fall into “geek-out mode” about my own book.  As in, “it rivals the geekery I had about Lord of the Rings during my teenage years.”  That kind of geek mode.

I think about it all day.  My characters are constantly on my mind.  I am going squeeee! over random details that nobody else would ever think to care about.  Everything about it is enthralling, every tiny jot.  Not only the story itself but the process of creating it has me giddy with excitement.

And then I start to feel very much alone.

Because nobody else cares about this book as much as I do.

I can gush to my husband, my sister, my best friends, my beta readers…and yet none of them will ever be as in love with the story as I am.  They won’t really get it.  They can’t share that enthusiasm – not for any length of time.  In fact, the more I talk about my books the more I worry that they will despise and hate my story because I am driving them crazy with details they don’t care to hear! Even people who used to geek out with me have gotten bored of it over time.

It’s not that the people in my life are heartless or uncaring.  They just don’t care about my book as much as I do!

And I could never expect them to, if I’m thinking sensibly.  This book is in my head and heart, not even published yet; it has no holds on anyone like it does on me, its creator.

And that can be depressing, knowing I cannot truly share this joy with a single person.

But this is true of any emotion, isn’t it? No matter how empathetic, fellow human beings can’t really share each others’ emotions – at least not until they invent some kind of telepathy! We are separated by the unique and distinct nature of our souls.  We all have something we love and are passionate about that we wish to share with others, and sometimes it’s not possible to really share that love.

The heart knows its own bitterness, and no stranger shares its joy. – Proverbs 14:10

Even if I get published and my books have hordes of rabid fans someday (hey, I can dream), no other human being will ever fathom the depths of my enthusiasm for my own stories, or truly share in the joys of my story-creation.

But there is One who can.

The One who spoke the universe into being, who orchestrates each detail of my life for my good, who created me body and soul and put these stories in my heart to tell – He knows.  He understands.  The One who exults over me with loud singing (Zephaniah 3:17) surely knows and appreciates the depths of my story geekery.  And as the Master Worldbuilder, He completely understands that delight!

I don’t mean to be flippant or irreverent, but hear me out – do you think the three Persons of the Godhead ever had “geek moments” about creation?

“Now, let’s make another kind of horse.  Except it isn’t actually a horse!  Because it will be covered in gorgeous black and white stripes!  YES.  It will be amazing.”

I think about that sometimes.  Did God ever get excited about the intricacies of anthills, the habits of lions, the courses of the planets and how they align, the variety of the plant kingdom, or the cuteness of kittens?  When He brought Eve to Adam, was He bursting with Fatherly joy to introduce His children to one another?

I imagine, perhaps, He was!

Not because He is ever surprised, for He knows all things, but because – as authors know well – you don’t have to be surprised by the story you create to enjoy it unfolding under your hands.  I may know exactly how my character is going to act, and why, and yet still be tickled from head to toe with delight as the scene I am writing takes shape.  It’s how we storytellers are.

People say “the devil is in the details,” but it’s really God who is there, holding all things together the molecular level, organizing every single moment, every storyline, and every atom to His glory and the good of his people.

Geeks are people who love something so much that all the details matter. – Marissa Mayer

Until recently our culture mostly thought of “geek” as a negative term.  Nowadays it’s worn more as a badge of honor by an entire subculture, and “geeky” things like superhero movies are mainstream and incredibly popular.  But perhaps the geeky delight we often share over stories is a small reflection of the joy God takes in His own creation.

He cares about the birds and their nests.  He cares about the ants and their tunnels.  He cares about the most distant star.  Surely, He also cares about good stories, your characters, that language you’re inventing, those imaginary animals you drew, that episode you really enjoyed, the art you love, that scene that had you bawling while you typed.

And maybe you’ve been reading this post and thinking, “I’m not a geek!”  Perhaps you can’t relate to the rabid love of stories, Doctor Who, or Marvel franchises.  But I’m sure there is something else in your life that you’re passionate for – and maybe alone in your passion.  History?  Sewing?  Bird-watching?  Baking?  God designed us to take joy in things like this…each finding our own delights and treasures in this world He made.  Do you love the details of something and feel like no one else cares as much as you do?

No detail of your life is too small to bore your Heavenly Father!

So when I am feeling lonely in my geekery – and before it gets to the point of loneliness! – I’m going to start turning to God and expressing thankfulness for my enthusiasm to the only One who totally sees the joy of my heart, Who gets it, and Who rejoices over it with me…down to the very smallest detail.

Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies?  And not one of them is forgotten before God.  Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows. – Jesus, Luke 12:7

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Have you ever felt lonely in your geekery?  Has there ever been anything in your life that you felt God didn’t care about?  (Pssst…He does!)