FAQs
What is DID exactly?
DID (and the related disorder OSDD) is a complex mental health condition on the PTSD spectrum. It affects roughly 1.5% of the population (about as common as natural redheads, depending on the statistic), and is caused when a young child learns to dissociate (disconnect from their body/self) in response to trauma they are unable to process. Normally around the age of 6-9, a child goes through a phase of development where their personality and identity become a cohesive, solid whole, but trauma can disrupt this process. With DID/OSDD, instead of forming a single sense of identity, the child instead develops with a collection of disconnected “self-states,” which they switch between to handle everyday life and the possibility of more trauma occurring. Usually there is some level of amnesia between those states, effectively protecting some parts of the child from their traumatic memories so they can lead a normal childhood.
It’s an amazing survival mechanism, and many people with DID have very normal (even highly successful!) lives because their mind shielded them from the brunt of what they experienced. Many people are even unaware they have this condition, because their “system” (all of the various self-states as a collective) works together so seamlessly, which hides any sign of disorder.
But this “dividing and conquering” of self can have downsides. It can result in memory loss, emotional amnesia, dysregulation, difficulties in attachments and relationships, and a variety of PTSD symptoms, depending on the person and the nature of their trauma. The disparate parts of self may have utterly different perspectives on reality from one another, be completely disconnected from their body and life, or even have no idea who they are at all.
Healing for all of these dissociated parts requires:
- achieving stabilization (understanding all parts and their roles in the system, and working to create harmony and cooperation between parts)
- integrative work (lowering amnesia barriers and sharing of memory/perspectives between parts)
- processing the trauma the mind and body hold
- learning to function together as a whole rather than in disconnected ways, however that looks for the individual
The parts of self in DID/OSDD are often referred to as “alters”—short for “alternate self state” or “alternate personality.” As you might have guessed, DID used to be known as Multiple Personality Disorder.
For more info about DID/OSDD, here are some resources I recommend (not all resources on DID are equally legitimate or helpful, so be aware if you go googling it):
The CTAD Clinic YouTube channel
The Gianu System YouTube intro video has a great explanation of DID
The following questions are things I’ve found people are curious about when I tell them about my alters and system. Please keep in mind that my answers below are about my own personal experiences living with DID—I’m just one individual, one person’s case can be very different from another, and in many ways (especially because of how my multiplicity has intersected with my fiction writing) my experiences are fairly unique.
What does having DID look like for you?
In a nutshell, it means I have personality shifts throughout my day, and sometimes struggle with symptoms such as forgetfulness, brain fog and dissociation (feeling disconnects between parts of myself, parts of my life, or my emotions), dysphoria, derealization, flashbacks, and other PTSD symptoms. I have to work a little harder than the average person to organize my life and mental space, but I also have a lot of internal resources and different sides of myself I can use to engage with the world around me and manage difficult situations. Some parts of me are more energized, others more quiet and focused, etc.
Internally, it’s kind of like I am a team of different people who have to stay in touch with each other and take turns “running the show” to efficiently manage life and delegate tasks between them.
Externally, you might notice I act or talk differently from one time to another. That’s totally normal for me and it doesn’t mean anything is wrong!
How did you find out you had DID?
In March 2019, a close friend who had been observing me for years gently pointed me toward researching DID, because she recognized that my relationships with my “fictional characters” were something far deeper and more significant than just creativity. As soon as I understood what DID was, it fit so many of my experiences interacting with my “characters”, who turned out to be actually alters. Over the years I’d had many dissociative symptoms but had chalked them all up to just being a creative writer.
I also had noticeable personality shifts over the course of my young adulthood, which other friends have attested to and found confusing or concerning at the time. Finding out about my DID made sense of all those things as well.
In mid-2019 I began hunting for a qualified therapist who was a good fit for me, and over the course of the last couple of years I have worked with 4-5 of them, most of whom confirmed that DID/OSDD explained my symptoms.
Are you in therapy now?
Yes! I have had a therapist regularly since fall 2020. I’m doing fantastically, praise God, and only meet with my current therapist a couple of times a month.
Are you officially diagnosed?
Yes, I have been diagnosed or labeled with DID/OSDD by three different therapists.
Do you know when other alters are taking control?
That’s called switching, and yes! Usually I know when I am having a switch from one alter to another, and most of the time I know who is “fronting” (in control). At this point most of my switches are purposeful.
How many alters do you have?
I have a complex system with a lot of smaller, fragmentary parts, so I don’t have an exact count. It’s at least 30+ and probably more. However, only about 8-9 main alters surface regularly.
How often do you switch?
It depends! Most days I have a switch every few hours, sometimes more, sometimes less. Sometimes I will also have a blend of more than one alter “around.”
How does your faith in Christ impact how you handle having this condition?
I don’t know what I would do or where I would be without my Jesus. He is life, light, hope, strength, and power. He is my all! Every alter has a personal relationship with Him and worships Him as Savior and King.
Because of His Word, I can trust that nothing happens outside of His wisdom and sovereignty, even trauma and great pain (Romans 8). I can be sure that I am fearfully and wonderfully made and He is near to me in even the darkest times (Psalm 139) and that I am fully loved by Him, every part of me. Nothing about the way that I am, body or mind or soul, is outside of His design (Isaiah 64:8, John 9:3). I can also trust that every step of my journey was planned by Him for His glory and my good (Psalm 23:3)—even the years parts of me spent living as “fictional characters” shaped me and was His perfect plan for how I would go out and serve Him in this life (Job 23:10, Psalm 139:16).
Because I know His grace, I can also extend grace to all parts of me, even the parts I am initially afraid to meet or scared to express. No part of me is too messy for Him to love and accept. He wants all of me (Isaiah 40:26), just as I am (John 6:37), and knows me intimately yet with great compassion (Psalm 103:13-14). He is never waiting for me to clean up to come to Him, because He died for me even when I was hopelessly lost in my sin (Romans 5:8).
On a practical level, following Christ means submitting to His will for me: accepting the reality of the life He’s given me, the body I have, and the experiences I’ve gone through (both good and bad), even if those things are painful to accept at times or difficult for some alters to integrate. Following Him as my Lord means radically submitting myself to what He formed me to be.
How can I not respond to His everlasting love with total loyalty and obedience? He is my greatest love and my highest king, my good shepherd. I will follow Him no matter where He takes me. He has taken me down into dark valleys of mental illness—and I can promise you that He is good, even there.
What does your husband think of all this? How does having DID affect your marriage?
As soon as I began to suspect I had it, my husband immediately recognized how much DID explains my life. He supports me and treats all alters equally, and has done a good job growing alongside me and learning how my system functions (though he personally finds keeping track of different alters challenging). I’m so thankful for the way he understands how my brain works, advocates for me, and stands beside me in this journey.
Do your kids know you have alters? How does this work with parenting?
The kids do know about it—some with more information than others depending on their age. All alters try to keep a consistent, united front in parenting and the goal is for the kids to be aware of how my mind works (so they aren’t confused by Mom’s many different “modes”) but to not have to think about it too much. All parts of me are Mom to them. <3
As an aside, if you interact with our family, please do not discuss these topics with them; it’s my responsibility to discuss my mental health with my children.
Parenting has actually gotten much easier since involving my whole system, as I’ve been able to draw from all of my strengths, and I have more emotional and physical stamina. My healing is not only good for me but for my whole family.
How do you know what you’re experiencing isn’t demonic possession?
Firstly, all parts of me confess and believe in Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord.
“By this you know the Spirit of God: every spirit that confesses that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God.”—1 John 4:2.
Secondly, theologically speaking, I don’t believe it’s possible for the Holy Spirit and demons to both dwell in the same person, so I don’t believe a Christian can be demon possessed. Here’s a link to some more information on that: https://africa.thegospelcoalition.org/video/can-born-again-christians-be-demon-possessed/
Do you have male alters?
Several of the alters identify with male personas, usually because they played the role of male fictional characters in books for years and years, either for protection or survival. However, all the alters recognize and accept that they are physically female.
Having several parts who have walked through a lot of gender dysphoria in adjusting to “real life,” I have so much empathy for gender identity struggles, and it’s a topic I am passionate about and always happy to discuss with others.
With having male alters, do you consider yourself transgender/bi-gender/otherwise gender-nonconforming?
I identify as a straight married woman and my whole self is included in that.
Do you consider yourself an LGBTQIA+ ally?
I love LGBTQIA+ people and have a deep heart for their good. I believe they are deserving of love, kindness, and respect. I hold very traditional Christian doctrinal stances, so I don’t agree with all of their philosophies or lifestyles, but I can still love them. Furthermore, I don’t believe in treating people monolithically. “LGBTQIA+” encompasses a lot of different people with a lot of different human stories and experiences and viewpoints. I believe in engaging with people and loving them as individuals, not as categories.
How would you like me to refer to you / address you? (Names, pronouns.)
First of all, thank you so much if this is something you are wondering and wanting to ask! I love to be referred to by the name Constellation, which feels like it encompasses all parts of my system.
Some people would rather continue to refer to me as Bethany, and that’s fine too; I ask for nothing else if that’s your preference and/or feels easiest to you.
Some close friends and loved ones are familiar with the different alters and refer to whoever’s out by name; if you’re around me in person you’re welcome to ask who’s fronting, and depending on the circumstances I might feel comfortable disclosing that. Online, our system currently prefers to be more private about that.
As far as pronouns go, she/her is of course acceptable, though you may also use they/them in the plural sense to refer to the system as a whole.
You’re just one person in the end. Why do you call the alters by different names / why do you use plural pronouns? Isn’t this counterproductive to healing?
All parts are Bethany Jennings. But at the same time, alters in a DID system can be substantially different from each other. For me, many of those differences come from backgrounds and personal histories where the alter was known by that name—to them, that is their name. Think of it like a nickname for that side of me, if it helps.
Calling all the alters by only my legal name would not erase the differences between us. Using different names reduces confusion, helps me keep track of what’s going on in my brain, helps with internal communication between parts, and clarifies the skillsets or needs of one part vs. another, etc. It doesn’t make integration work harder to achieve. (Actually, it makes it easier in some ways. It enables me to be aware of the parts that exist, where their divides are, and where they need to draw closer together.) Using different names to refer to different parts of myself simply acknowledges the reality of how I tick.
What does healing with this look like? Are you trying to fuse (integrate) all of the alters into “one person”?
First, I want to say that healing will look different for every person with DID (or everyone in general, frankly! In all of life, everyone’s journey is different).
For me personally—I see healing as a process of freeing all parts of myself from the trauma I experienced. Some parts of me have been left “stuck” in traumatic events, unable to process that it’s over and it’s safe now; some parts of me were left with emotional damage; some were stuck in elaborate “fictions” that created distance between them and actual life, this body, and the trauma that happened in it. Each alter has a different process of moving forward out of the effects of trauma. My goal for healing (and the healing I have experienced) is to see all parts of me freed from trauma to flourish, grow, glorify and enjoy God, and love others wholeheartedly.
For all parts of me that means integration (lowering of dissociative barriers); for some it has meant fusion (merging with other alters to form a singular identity together), and for others it has meant freeing that alter up to be actively involved in life as an important aspect of my overall identity. I really value the versatility my multiplicity gives me, to use a number of very different gifts and personality styles and perspectives, and there’s also a unity to all parts of me that I’m very thankful for.
So the short answer is: fusion of every part doesn’t feel necessary for my goals. As an individual, I do already see myself as one person, just with many versatile facets. It’s like there are multiple versions of Bethany Jennings, each unique and different with a different sense of self, but with a cohesive sense of purpose and overall identity. This is what my personal healing has looked like, and I’m so happy with where God has brought me in that.
What does this mean for your writing, or for the characters you’ve written about for years? Will you still write/publish The Kraesinia Trilogy and other books?
I am still writing and still have plans of publishing novels and poetry, as much as God enables me to do!
For the present, I am not working on The Kraesinia Trilogy. Many prominent “characters” turned out to be primary parts of my identity, and the story now feels more like a mental and emotional autobiography, because for over a decade it’s how my system processed life and connected internally. It’s deeply important to me, but I’m no longer sure how to proceed with writing and publishing something that’s proven so very personal. Someday I would still love to share it with the world! But for now, I keep it close to my heart, a kind of treasure box of memories and information about my system and its survival.
I experience something similar to what you’re describing (or I suspect this about someone I know). Do I (they) potentially have DID/OSDD too?
There are a lot of complexities to mental health and a lot of overlap between different disorders too, and I’m not qualified to address your experiences or those of your loved ones—if you think you have symptoms of a dissociative disorder, please find a qualified, trauma-informed therapist to work with you. <3
Can I ask you about [fill in the blank]?
Generally speaking, yes! I’m happy to discuss anything surrounding my mental health and I’m usually an open book. That said, there are a few things I’d really prefer not be asked and would rather volunteer only if I feel like it. So please do not ask me:
- About my trauma (this is just good etiquette!)
- Why a specific alter is fronting or why we had a switch
Do you do interviews [for classes, podcasts, or other purposes]?
I’m always looking for opportunities to advocate for DID, so if you have something in mind please reach out to me and ask!
What if I’m not sure what I think of this?
I totally understand that and I’m not offended at all if that’s how you feel. You don’t have to act on any of this information or treat me any differently unless you want to—this is just me sharing my heart and how my brain works on the inside.
How can I pray for you?
I’d love prayer for continued stability and healing, and for me to be steadfast in following God’s leading in my life and being a bright light for Him.
Thank you so much!
