My Shiny New Pitch

I’m always excited when I am able to condense and sharpen my pitch for TKT a bit more.  This time I had the challenge of a 100-word limit!  The old one’s still up on the “Books” page for the moment – which do you like better?  What do you think?

When Marcus Leansmith mysteriously vanished, his children had no idea his work was a cover for military operations in another universe.  Eight years later, Kevin and Catherine stumble upon his hidden teleporter and accidentally transport themselves to the world of Kraesinia.  There, brutal off-world invaders plan to capture the portal to Earth – unless Kraesinia’s army can stop them.  Kevin is eagerly recruited to their secret human auxiliary, but his sister is deemed unfit for service, and her memory wiped.  While he struggles to conceal his new double life, Catherine is terrified by the visions of another world infiltrating her dreams…

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10 Comments

  1. Greytawnyowl

     /  June 7, 2012

    Both are great, though I might say that this one is better. It’s very concise, but gives the plot of the book well without giving too much away. The other one seems to focus more on the Trusted, and that doesn’t seem like the main point of the story…

    Just my thoughts. 😀

    Reply
    • Well, the title of the book is actually “The Trusted”. 🙂 And I feel like they are one of the unique features of the story, so I wanted to emphasize them. But I definitely think this new pitch is more gripping, and I realized that the pitch doesn’t necessarily have to explain the title.

      Reply
  2. Bethany, this is quite good. Well done!

    Reply
  3. Greytawnyowl

     /  July 5, 2012

    I just noticed. The father’s name is Marcus Leansmith? I love that name! Marcus has been a favorite name for a long time now (mostly under the influence of a tv character). 😀

    Reply
    • Yes, his name is Marcus. I’ve loved that name ever since I called him that! 🙂 It’s the name of the protagonist in one of my favorite historical fictions, too, “The Eagle of the Ninth.”

      Reply
      • Greytawnyowl

         /  July 6, 2012

        Oh, my sister read that book, but I was never able to get into it. Should I start with a different one of her books, do you think? I really do want to read her books, but I don’t want to force it, either. 🙂

        Reply
  4. This pitch seems similar to the one you used to hook me on the book in the first place. 🙂

    One niggle: the first character name in the pitch is the dad’s name, not the kids’ names. It makes me think he’ll be the main character. Maybe reword it so it’s more like, “Kevin and Catherine’s father disappeared eight years ago, supposedly without a trace–until they find a mysterious journal.” And so on.

    Reply
  5. Oh yikes, I didn’t see the date stamp on this post! Sorry! No wonder the summary seemed so familiar. 😀

    Reply

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